So this guy, let’s call him principal, because he’s a middle school principal.
And principal loves to smash. He smashes with his wife, he smashes with his multiple girlfriends on the side. He’s a busy guy. But one day, one of his side chicks delivers some devastating news to him. She pulls him aside, and she tells him she’s pregnant.
And principal, he pretends he’s all happy. He’s like, Yay, you’re pregnant! But deep down, he is devastated he can’t have a kid with his side chick, and his wife and his other girlfriends are gonna be so upset.
Now, the side chick, her name is Jocelyn, and she’s a really nice woman. She’s a third grade teacher at a nearby elementary school. And I’m not sure if she actually knows that principal is married, but she is happy about being pregnant with his kid, cause she really wants to be a mom.
So as Jocelyn is all dealing with the pregnancy, principal is quietly losing his mind. He’s like, man, if my wife and my other girlfriends find out, they might leave me. Also, it wouldn’t look good for a middle school principal to impregnate a teacher slash side chick. I mean, he could probably lose his job over that.
So principal rubs his two brain cells together, and he comes up with a plan. A plan to have Jocelyn unalived. So he calls up his shadiest friend, this guy, who will call hitman.
And principal tells hitman, what’s Going on. And Hitman’s like, oh, that sucks, bro. How can I help? And Principal’s like, I need you to unalive my pregnant girlfriend. And Hitman’s like, alright. And then he says he needs 25 hundred dollars in cash up front. And principals like, deal.
Now here’s the thing about the 20. Five hundred dollars. Principle, he works for the public school system. He doesn’t have 25 hundred dollars to just be thrown around to give to a hitman. But principal does know where to get it.
See, the dance team at his middle school just held a fundraiser and raised a bunch of money for a spring break trip they’re gonna take. And he’s the principal, so he knows where they keep this money. So principal, he just goes and he steals about 27 dollars from the middle school dance teams fundraiser. And then he packs all that money in a box and he takes it to a UPS store to mail it to hitman. Cause hitman lives a few states away in Oklahoma. And UPS is like, hey, you need to put a return address on that. And so principal, he doesn’t wanna put his own address on it, so he puts the school’s address on it. And that’ll be important later.
Meanwhile, Jocelyn, she’s at home and she’s pregnant. And she has no idea any of this is going on. In fact, she’s getting ultrasounds. She started a baby registry for them. She thinks she and principal Are about to have this baby and live happily ever after.
Now, a few weeks later, hitman takes a Greyhound bus from Oklahoma, where he lives, to ST. Louis, where principal lives, and they go over the plan, and principal gives hitman the keys to his car and the key to Jocelyn’s apartment. Then the next morning, principal takes an Amtrak train from ST. Louis to Chicago so that he has an alibi during all this. And about a day later, it’s 3:00am, and hitman takes Principal’s car and he drives it to Jocelyn’s apartment. There he lets himself in, and he sneaks through the apartment, and he finds Jocelyn in her bedroom, asleep on her bed. So he pulls out a pew pew pointed at her head, and then bang, he unalives her.
Then he leaves, and he calls principal in Chicago, and he’s like, okay, buddy, it’s done. And principal, he takes a train back to ST. Louis, and he goes directly to Jocelyn’s house, and there he finds her unalived in her bed. So he calls police to report it, and he pretends he’s surprised.
So police, they come to Joseline’s house to investigate, and they take principal back to the station to question him. Now, during that interview, principal asks them if they can leave the room so that he can make a phone call, and police are like, sure. So they leave the room, and principal calls his wife, and he’s like, honey, I need You to meet my buddy hitman at this gas station and bring him my extra set of car keys. Because Principal’s car is still parked at Jocelyn’s apartment at the crime scene, and he wants hitman to go and move it.
So hitman gets the keys, and he goes to Jocelyn’s apartment to move the car. But police are still there at the crime scene investigating. And a random guy suddenly coming to move a car from a crime scene, that seems pretty sketchy. So then, POW, they detain hitman and they bring him in.
A police. They question the hell out of both of them, and both of them are like, I did not alive anyone. What are you talking about? But then police check CCTV footage in the area, and they find footage showing that principal’s car was parked just down the street from Jocelyn’s place during the time she was unalived. They also get a warrant, and they search the guy’s phones. And of course, they find a bunch of incriminating text on those phones, talking about their plan to unalive Jocelyn. And most importantly, the return address on the money mailed to hitman was the address of the middle school. So police know principal was the one who mailed it.
Then, Bam! They arrest principal. Here’s his mug shot. And they arrest hitman. Here’s his mug shot. And they’re both charged with first degree murder. They plead guilty, and principal gets life in prison. When hitman Also gets life in prison.
